


Us Now (and Forever)

by livvipool



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Separate Uni Iwaoi, i wrote fluff for you guys i worked hard, wink wonk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 10:50:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6902797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livvipool/pseuds/livvipool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Hajime thought he needed Oikawa more than Oikawa needed him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Us Now (and Forever)

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY 1 DAY LATE BIRTHDAY AA  
> HAPPY 5 DAY EARLY BIRTHDAY THAAMI  
> MERRY 5 MONTH LATE CHRISTMAS JEN  
> I LOVE YOU ALL
> 
> Yes I titled this after a K-Pop song you can't stop me.

Sometimes, Hajime thought he needed Oikawa more than Oikawa needed him. That’s what he’d thought when they were five and Oikawa had seemed perfectly fine playing alone after a dumb fight. That’s what he’d thought when they were 14 and Oikawa had let himself get dragged away by a hoard of girls during lunch and left Hajime to eat alone. That’s what he was thinking right now, staring down at Oikawa’s response to the text he’d sent 5 hours ago. He tried to tell himself that he wasn’t disappointed– that he didn’t feel betrayed. He tried not to think too hard about how this was the third time this week Oikawa had cancelled on him. Though lately, it felt like they were drifting apart. Being in different universities was hard; not seeing each other every day was hard. Oikawa used to text him all the time. He used to spam Hajime’s inbox with silly emojis and pictures of his lunch. But the only texts Hajime had been receiving lately were from his mom reminding him to eat properly, and from the local sports shop telling him to upgrade his membership for a 30% off coupon.

The kettle he’d been boiling water in suddenly let out a shrill shriek, startling Hajime out of his thoughts. He hoisted himself off the sofa, dropping his phone onto the coffee table with a too-loud smack, and headed into the kitchen. There were noodles scattered across the carpet and floor from when he’d knocked over his first attempt at a ramen cup 10 minutes ago. He approached the new one sitting on the polished counter and peeled the lid off, inhaling the scent of salt and artificial chicken flavor. His thoughts started drifting back to Oikawa as he poured the steaming water into the cup. Hajime wondered if Oikawa had started overworking himself again, now that he wasn’t there to keep track of him. He wondered if his knee had gotten better, or maybe worse. The more Hajime thought about him, the more he missed Oikawa. Sure, they still did see each other pretty often, but it felt like nothing compared to how much time they used to spend together. In all of their recent meet-ups Oikawa had seemed a little different. He didn’t smile as much as he used too, and when he did it felt fake. He didn’t make as many dumb jokes and bad puns, and for the first time, Hajime wanted to hit him for _not_ being silly. Hajime found himself missing the brilliance of Oikawa’s genuine smile, and that annoying giggle-like laugh of his more than he’d like to admit. He missed curling up on the couch together, watching bad movies and cheesy reality shows, while sharing the popcorn that Oikawa had burnt. It felt weird taking the subway home alone, and not having anyone to bug the shit out of him while he was trying to do his homework. The sudden lack of Oikawa in Hajime’s life had left an Oikawa-sized hole in his heart, and he didn’t know how to fill it.

The apartment was dead silent, and Hajime almost felt a little awkward where he sat at the small kitchen table, slurping his noodles. He’d taken the tablecloth off earlier this week; he’d spilled coffee all over it when he bumped into the table looking for his wallet. If Oikawa had seen that Hajime would’ve never heard the end of it. They were supposed to meet up for lunch today, but just like the last time and the time before that, Oikawa had texted him at the last minute saying that ‘something else came up’. Hajime considered calling Makki or Matssun, before deciding that he’d rather just stay at home watching superhero movies. A Saturday afternoon with no essays due anytime soon had never felt more boring. Hajime sat back down on the ugly couch, not bothering to take care of his finished noodles. He’d just deal with that later. His wifi wasn’t the best, but it was enough for Netflix to work, so after staring at the loading screen for a solid 8 minutes he turned on the first MCU movie to pop up. He remembered watching Guardians of the Galaxy with Oikawa, who kept comparing the two of them to Gamora and Peter. He remembered how Oikawa had pretended not to cry when the tree (gromp, or maybe root?) died, and how Hajime had laughed at him. Hajime loved watching movies with Oikawa. He loved how Oikawa always had some witty comment on everyone and everything, and could make Hajime enjoy the most boring movie on the planet. But what Hajime liked the most about watching movies with Oikawa, was watching _Oikawa_. He’d always loved movies– ever since they were little, and Hajime had always loved seeing the colorful display of emotions reflecting on his face while watching them. Hajime loved seeing those dark brown eyes widen, and that soft smile that played over his lips. He loved hearing Oikawa’s breath hitch, and his loud melodic laughter. Loved the feeling of Oikawa’s warm body pressed up against his own, his fingers gripping at Hajime’s arm, and his cold feet resting on Hajime’s thighs.

If Hajime _really_ tried it almost felt like it Oikawa was right there next to him, and not 3 pillows. That the warmth enveloping Hajime wasn’t from the thick blanket resting over his shoulders, but from the heat radiating off of Oikawa’s body. Hajime ended up falling asleep an hour into Captain America, his mind clouded by the memory of Oikawa’s smile.

 

 

 

Tooru gasped for air, his shirt sticking to his body uncomfortably. He tried to push the heavy damp hair out of his eyes, but didn’t really make that much of a difference. Volleyball practice was harder than ever now that he’d reached college level, and the competition was sky high. He was beyond lucky to get to practice with the first string as a freshman, even more so to be able to play games with the second string. The entire room was bursting with talent; you could feel the tension in the air just by standing in the doorway. Tooru should be overjoyed and filled with confidence at the fact that he places among these people. But instead he felt insecure and hesitant. Oikawa Tooru is no genius– everyone knew it, yet here he was, tossing to amazing prodigies whose shoes Tooru wished everyday he could walk in. But apparently his feet were too small, because no matter how hard he tried; he would never be able to reach that high. He felt his laser focus wavering as he stopped to think, and Tooru tried to push his exhaustion away. Exhaustion caused from too many nights spent practicing until curfew, too many hours at the gym, and not enough rest. He tried to take it easy and just rest on the weekends, but it was hard sometimes, and it was barely enough to make up for his lack of rest during the week.

Tooru knew he was pushing himself, but if that were what it took to keep up with the high pressure of college volleyball, that’s what he’d do. He practiced more than anyone else, yet he couldn’t seem to reach their level. His knee had healed enough for him to take off that annoying brace, but Tooru was still careful. A serious injury now, and his volleyball career would be over. The sharp noise of his coaches’ whistle signaled the end of practice, but only a small number of players packed up and left the court. Personal practice was critical for many to hold onto their place on the first string, and Tooru wouldn’t let himself be second to anybody. He wanted to stand on the court with the best players; wanted to be the link that connected them all. Tooru wanted to set the best tosses to the best spikers, and be that dangerous player that coaches warned their teams to watch out for. Tooru wanted it so bad, and he hated himself every day for not being good enough.

This sport was his passion, and he truly burned for it; but loving something isn’t enough.

His apartment was nice, but a little too roomy for one person. His mother had suggested getting a roommate, but Tooru wasn’t going to risk ending up with some psychopath. But in reality, the main reason why he didn’t want a roommate was that he didn’t _want_ to be that intimate with someone who wasn’t his Iwa-chan. He didn’t want to grow close to someone who, could eventually take over the role of his best friend. He was afraid of someone getting to know him too well, someone other than Iwaizumi who knew Tooru better than he knew himself. He didn’t even want to have to _think_ about that, afraid that if he let someone other than Iwa-chan close, he’d somehow fade away. Tooru wondered if Iwaizumi was making new friends. Good friends, who could eventually replace _him_. He knew that Iwaizumi valued him as a friend, but Tooru still felt insecure. How could he not? If Tooru couldn’t be Iwaizumi’s boyfriend, he’d sure as hell keep a death grip on his title as Iwaizumi’s best friend. The distance between them only made it worse.

The new school was okay, but he missed Iwaizumi every day. He felt pathetic really, holding onto these meaningless feelings for so long. But it was hard to let go, and Tooru had never been able to completely give up no matter how hard he tried. He was fully aware that one day they would both get married and have children, and after that grandchildren, and who knows if they’d still even by friends by then? Tooru was afraid of losing Iwaizumi, yet he was scared to face him. The distance growing between them wasn’t only because of them going to different schools– Tooru knew that he’d contributed a lot to it as well. But he’d rather their friendship ended this way than letting it be torn apart by his stupid feelings. A fade-away sounded better than a crash and burn. It would probably hurt less too. Maybe.

Even in college, Tooru was a popular guy. People recognized him from high school, and he was still the best looking guy around (says himself). He got invited to a lot of parties and other outings, and was generally surrounded by people but the truth was uglier than Tooru would like to admit: Tooru didn’t really have any friends. He wasn’t good at opening up, and he didn’t like it when things got too personal. Tooru knew that he _could_ easily make friends, but instead he opted for being _everyone’s friend,_ as he liked to call it. He’d talk to whoever called him over first. Oikawa Tooru wasn’t confident– not many people knew that. He bottled up all of his insecurities and doubts, and stowed them away deep down under a façade of charm and bravado. A façade that Iwaizumi broke down until the last of it had crumbled away. He had always hated it when Tooru hid stuff; played off his worries. Iwaizumi forcibly encouraged him to open up, and if it weren’t for him, Tooru’s insecurities and worries would have eaten him alive. When he was with Iwaizumi, Tooru could do anything and everything he couldn’t do in his own. Iwaizumi was his backbone– his pillar, but without him around Tooru suddenly found himself having to grow one of his own. He felt a little like a lost puppy sometimes, and sometimes he’d forget that Iwaizumi wasn’t there to watch over him and keep him in check. The realization was always bitter.

“Oikawa-kun, time to wrap it up!” His captain stood in the doorway to the gymnasium with a pair of keys dangling from his finger. Tooru looked at the volleyballs scattered around himself and then up at the clock. It was late. He quickly apologized to Hayama-san, whom was nice enough to help him clean up. Tooru threw volleyball after volleyball over the net and into the basket. He felt restless; he wanted to play more. He didn’t feel satisfied– he wasn’t completely worn down just yet. But rules are set for a reason, and together they took down the net in silence.

“You’re not working too hard are you? Gotta be careful with that body, not to risk an injury now that you’ve got so much ahead of you.” Hayama looked at him, and Tooru didn’t like the knowingness in his gaze. He sculptured his face into that winning smile of his, and assured his captain.

“I’ll be fine.”

 

 

 

When Hajime opened his eyes to more darkness, his first thought was that maybe he was still dreaming. But when his eyes finally adjusted enough for him to make out the silhouettes of his living room he realized he’d slept way longer than just an hour or so. Hajime sat up slightly, resting on his elbow as he begrudgingly drew a hand over his face to try to rub the drowsiness out of his eyes. Exams had come and gone, leaving Hajime feeling scarcely alive. He often wished that he’d been blessed with the ability to memorize all the things he needed to know in a last-minute cram session. But instead he has to stay up studying every night like any other normal person struggling with uni and responsibilities.

The pillows he’d dozed off on had fallen on the floor along with Hajime’s phone, which lit up with a new notification. He had half a mind to ignore it and just lay still for a bit longer, but when his phone buzzed again, he groped around on the floor until he found it. Receiving texts stopped being fun around the same time they stopped coming from Oikawa, coincidentally enough. He didn’t realize how lonely he appeared until the friendly old lady who owned the convenience store down the block had commented on how strange it felt seeing him without Oikawa. They had always been sort of a package deal, ever since they were kids and refused to be put in separate teams playing basketball during recess. They’d always been those two friends who the teachers knew better than to put together for group projects– those two friends where people asked about one through the other because they know each other the best, after all. The latter tended to happen to Hajime disturbingly often, especially during middle and high school. He got approached by countless amounts of both girls and boys asking him questions about Oikawa, or asking him to hand down confession letters to him because they were too nervous to hand them to him themselves. At first he didn’t really care, and dutifully handed confession letters and gifts down to Oikawa, but after a while he found it more and more irritating in a way he couldn’t quite seem to explain. When he finally threw away his pride away enough to admit that he was _jealous,_ it was definitely of all the attention Oikawa was receiving and not the people confessing to him. Totally. Most certainly.

He decided to call his mom back; he’d always been a good son. He listened when she talked about the dinner party with their neighbors, and asked her how the garden was doing. When she joked about being lonely, Hajime suggested getting a cat, because he knew there was truth behind her teasing. When his mom mentioned Golden Week he hesitated. _“You and Tooru-kun will be coming home for golden week right?”_ she asked, and Hajime wasn’t sure what to say. Of course he’d be coming home, and he was pretty sure Oikawa would be too, but it was the ‘pretty sure’ that made a huge difference. She was asking if they would be coming back _together_ , and Hajime wasn’t sure what the answer was.

After they said goodbye Hajime walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water and nearly yelped in pain from stepping on a hard noodle. The noodle explosion. Right. The piece he’d stepped on had been crushed into the carpet and he considered putting on shoes and crushing all the other pieces to make it easier to vacuum up. So he ended up stomping around his kitchen crushing noodles at 19:30 on a Saturday. It would have been more fun, Hajime thought, if Oikawa was there with him.

 

 

 

It was 12:49. His train was supposed to have been here almost 20 minutes ago. Hajime frowned down at his watch. His mother wouldn’t be happy about his late arrival; he was supposed to get home early to help prepare for their dinner party with Oikawa’s family. He had decided to take an earlier train, instead of the same one as Oikawa. It went faster for both of them, both of them taking trains directly to Miyagi instead of having to stop all over the place. Oikawa himself wouldn’t be home until five in the afternoon, somehow having convinced his parents to let him skip preparations. Maybe it was for the better, the guy couldn’t cook for shit and Hajime didn’t want to end up with food poisoning or something. It felt weird taking the train home without Oikawa. Though then again, Hajime was taking the train in from Tokyo. Oikawa had to make his way over all the way from Osaka. Those 3 hours didn’t feel that long compared to Oikawa’s 5. Hajime smirked at the thought of Oikawa having to sit still for that long. He was restless, always having to distract Hajime and cause trouble during long rides. Hajime wondered what he’d be doing now that he was alone. For as long as Hajime could remember, he’d taken the train home from school with Oikawa. He remembered the times he’d had to ride it home alone, when Oikawa got sick. It felt weird not sitting next to him on the train, and it felt weird not walking next to him on the road from the train station. It felt weird not having anyone to talk to, or laugh at the late businessmen running to catch their trains with. That’s how Hajime felt right now.

He heard a loud female voice apologize for the delay and announce that the train to Tokyo would be arriving shortly. Hajime gathered his stuff and stood up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder as he took a couple of steps towards the platform.

 

 

 

Tooru drummed his fingers against his lap, bouncing his leg and fidgeting restlessly. He had never liked sitting down for too long; whether it be in class, in a car, or where he was now, on a train. The old man sitting next to him kept glaring at him from out of the corner of his eye, but Tooru pretended not to notice. He usually always had something- _someone_ to distract him. (Iwa-chan). He had tried reading a book. Then he’d given up after 20 minutes due to motion sickness. He had tried to watch a movie on his laptop. Then he’d given up after 30 minutes due to boredom. He was trying to just sit and look out of the window, but when had he ever been able to sit completely still and do nothing? He could imagine Iwaizumi laughing at his restlessness. Instead he was stuck next to a grumpy elder. 

Aside from volleyball practice, going home with Iwa-chan was Tooru’s favorite time of day. Of course they weren’t alone on the train, and sometimes not even on the roads walking from the station, but it felt like they were. Tooru nearly confessed his love during their walk home several times. There’s something about the setting, or maybe the atmosphere of it all, that made Tooru feel like he had the courage to do anything because it was just him and Iwaizumi, the one person Tooru trusted the most in the entire world. It was moments like these that Tooru missed the most. 

He remembered how very lonely he’d felt when he walked without him, Iwaizumi being sick and home from school. It didn’t feel right walking there alone: it was _their_ walk, _their_ special place. Tooru wondered if Iwaizumi felt the same, despite them not having walked there together for almost a year.

 

 

 

Coming home after being away was always nice; getting to see your family again, and getting to lay down in your bed after so long. Having to update your family on every detail of your life away from home; not so much. Having to lie about keeping in touch with your best friend was even worse.

Of course Mr. and Mrs. Oikawa were going to want to know how their son was doing, even if it that very kid was on his way back and would be home in just a couple of hours. Hajime politely answered all of their questions and tried not to seem nervous. He didn’t know _why_ he felt that way though; it wasn’t like he was lying. He _did_ still talk to Oikawa, just not that much. Or recently. Guilt pierced Hajime’s chest. He was supposed to keep track of Oikawa, even if he wasn’t right next to him all the time. It was like an unspoken agreement he had with Oikawa’s parents; a duty he’d given himself since they were kids. He’d always felt a need to protect Oikawa, and if not protect, keep him in check. He knew that Oikawa could take care of himself just fine. But Iwaizumi was afraid that Oikawa would step up and start looking after himself, and he’d be discarded. Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa purposefully acted like he was irresponsible and immature, afraid that if he didn’t Iwaizumi would get up and leave. It was their routine. But in reality, Oikawa looked out for Iwaizumi just as much as Iwaizumi looked out for him; they’d had each other’s backs ever since they were kids. He remembered during kindergarten when Oikawa had helped him ask his first crush out, and when Iwaizumi had defended him when the other boys had accused him of being ‘girly’. He remembered during middle school, when Oikawa had spent all of his money on a giant 130 cm limited edition Godzilla plush that roared when you pressed its hand for Iwaizumi’s birthday, and when they had gotten into a fight over Oikawa’s self doubt because Iwaizumi couldn’t _stand_ seeing him so insecure and doubting his overwhelming talent for volleyball. He remembered during high school when Oikawa had rejected all of his confessions on Valentine’s Day because _If Iwa-chan has to be alone on Valentine’s Day, then so will I._ Iwaizumi remembered that they weren’t really alone, that neither of them ever were. They had each other.

 

 

 

It was 17:44. Oikawa was supposed to have been there almost 20 minutes ago. Though of course, with a train ride that long, a 20 minute delay was minor. But he hadn’t called, or even texted to say he was running late and dinner was supposed to be at 18:00. Hajime looked down at the text he’d sent 10 minutes ago. _How’s it going?_

 

 

 

It was 18:20. Oikawa was supposed to have been home 35 minutes ago. He still hadn’t texted or called anyone, nor had he answered anyone’s calls or texts. Hajime frowned at the clock. Sure, Oikawa forgot to let people know if he was running late, but he was usually never _this_ late. Except for maybe the time when he’d lost the alien keychain Hajime had bought for him when they were 5, and ended up being half an hour late for school. Hajime had laughed when Oikawa told him why he was late, but Oikawa had just looked him dead in the eye and said, _“It’s my lucky keychain. If I went anywhere without it I’d surely die an unfortunate death. Oh, but it’s only lucky ‘cause it’s filled with your love Iwa-chan~.”_

Hajime had snorted and retorted that he’d only bought it because it was ugly, just like Oikawa. Of course, he was lying.

 

Oikawa’s parents were starting to worry. Hell, _Hajime_ was starting to worry. He was fidgeting more that Oikawa ever did during long car rides. He knew that everyone could tell how nervous he was, and he was thankful that no one mentioned it. Oikawa’s sister mumbled a “He’s probably fine, forgot to charge his phone again or something,” but it didn’t really help. At least not in Hajime’s case. Takeru sat in silence next to him, the poor kid was probably hungry. Dinner had been ready for a while. Mrs. Iwaizumi walked up to them and gently put a hand on each of their shoulders.

“If you boys are hungry you can go eat. I think we’ll sit down too. You can keep Tooru-kun company when he shows up.” She smiled at Hajime. _If_ not _when_ , Hajime thought bitterly. Takeru looked up hopefully and Hajime nodded, moving to stand. It was 18:30. He froze in front of the door, hesitating.

“Actually… I’m going to head down to the station to see what’s going on.” He hurriedly put on his shoes and grabbed a sweatshirt before anyone could object, and was out the door. The walk to the station was only about 10 minutes. If he ran he could make it there in 5. It was chilly outside, temperature dropping along with the sun, but Hajime gradually warmed up as he ran. He almost knocked over an old lady rounding a corner, but managed to dodge her and shouted an apology without stopping or looking back.

Worry was still gnawing at the inside of his stomach the entire time, and when he finally came to a halt in front of the train station he was out of breath. Nevertheless, he trudged on inside, building crowded with people coming home from work, and leaving to go out. He looked up at the timetables, searching for Oikawa’s train. His heart stopped when he saw it.

 

_Departure 12:05 From Osaka Platform 6 – Arrival 17:03 At Miyagi Platform 2_

_[DELAYED DUE ACCIDENT]_

 

Hajime’s breath hitched in his throat and his mouth went dry, words flashing behind his eyelids. He looked at the timetable again, hoping that maybe he’d looked at the wrong train, or that if he was just imagining it. But no matter how many times he blinked, rubbed his eyes, scanned the flashing times over and over again, nothing changed. _Delayed Due Accident_.

Hajime turned around and pushed through crowds, running to get to platform 2 because _maybe_ the train had somehow made it in just now, or some rescue mission had been executed or _something_. But when he got to the platform there was nothing and almost no one there. No train from Osaka. No Oikawa. Hajime choked on his inhale and shuddered his exhale. It’s not like train accidents often ended with many, or any, casualties, but Hajime couldn’t help but think _what if_.

He didn’t want to lose Oikawa, and he sure as hell didn’t want to lose him now that he had so much to say to him. Hajime felt tears stinging at the back of his eyes and _wow he hadn’t cried since graduation_. He inhaled again, tried to steady his breathing, when he heard a small voice behind him.

“Iwa-chan?” Hajime whipped around, eyes widening as he saw him. There he stood, on the other side of the platform, Oikawa Tooru himself. Oikawa Tooru who was supposed to be stuck on the delayed train, or maybe even dead or injured in an accident. Hajime gasped, and then sighed, and then rushed towards him, panic and worry replaced with relief. Oikawa met him in the middle, returning Iwaizumi’s crushing hug with an equally fierce one, fitting his head in the crook between Iwaizumi’s neck and shoulder. Iwaizumi wrapped his arms tightly around Oikawa, wordlessly holding him close as Oikawa’s eyelashes tickled his neck every time he blinked. 

“Jesus Christ,” Hajime wheezed, voice uneven, “Aren’t you supposed to be buried in a trainwreck somewhere?”

Oikawa chuckled, warm and quiet and everything Hajime wanted to hear. “Were you hoping I was?” 

Hajime snorted softly, like he hadn’t been about to pass out from worry for the past hour. Like he hadn’t spent weeks worrying non-stop that Oikawa was moving on from him, starting a new life with new friends all the way down in Osaka. Like he hadn’t spent his entire life loving this stupid twat who always drops his ice cream cones and constantly overworks himself. 

“I took an earlier train,” Oikawa confessed, “I wanted to surprise you guys and show up early. But when I checked my bag I couldn’t find my lucky keychain. I’ve been running around looking for it for like, super long. Finally found it under a bench.” Oikawa smiled again, and Hajime only shook his head. 

“Why the hell haven’t you called anyone?” Hajime’s voice shook, but he didn’t sound angry, just scared and defeated. Oikawa pulled back to look at him with an apologetic smile.

“My phone-”

“Was dead. Of course.” Hajime finally released Oikawa and together they started walking towards the exit. Oikawa’s smile widened.

“Sorry, won’t happen again.” He said but they both knew it was a lie. Oikawa always spends too much time on his phone and forgets to bring a charger so it always ends up dying. Hajime shook his head and sighed again.

“We were all worried sick, _Jesus,_ ” Hajime said because that was all he could say. They had all been _so worried_ because they all loved Oikawa so much. He was so brilliant and irreplaceable; Hajime couldn’t imagine a world without him. 

“Were you?” Oikawa wondered, smile stretching into a grin. Hajime just stared at him because,

“ _Of course_ I was. Hell, Oikawa, I thought I was gonna go crazy with how worried I was.”

Oikawa’s eyes searched his features for hints of a joke, but there were none. Now it was his turn to widen his eyes.

“Do you know what it said on the time table? _Delayed Due to Accident._ I swear, I thought you were dead or something. You were what, twenty-something minutes late? And you weren’t answering any calls or texts or _anything_.” Hajime stopped himself and Oikawa looked so guilty that Hajime wanted to punch him. He wasn’t supposed to look sorry. He was supposed to brush it off with a lame joke and make Hajime forget about all the previous horrors.

“Sorry,” Oikawa said again and Hajime just nodded, pulling out his phone to text his mother that he and Oikawa were both fine and on their way home.

“C’mon, let’s go back.” Hajime almost grabbed Oikawa’s hand, but stopped himself before he could make any mistakes.

“We probably missed dinner, didn’t we?” Oikawa said, and Hajime couldn’t help but laugh a little.

 

 

 

Dawn painted the world a warm shade of orange, and made Iwaizumi _glow_. Tooru tried to make his glances subtle, tried not to look for too long, because Iwaizumi was positively _gorgeous_. Tooru knew Iwaizumi was aware of his stare, they’d both ended up looking away blushing several times. Tooru felt like he was in some shoujo manga. The only difference was that in those stories the protagonist always ended up together with their love interest (Tooru would know, he’s read so many of them). He wished that was the case with Iwa-chan. Tooru loved Iwaizumi so much it should be unfair, because in what cruel world are you allowed to fall head over heels for the best friend you could never have. Of course there had been moments where Tooru thought _maybe_ and _what if_ , but they never lasted too long, and part of the reason as to why he let himself slip away from Iwaizumi was because he was _so scared_ that he’d slip up and ruin their friendship. Tooru would rather suffer beside Iwa-chan than suffer alone.

 

They had walked in silence for a while, both of the caught up in nostalgia for the past. They walked road they’d taken together so many times, some in silence, some in wild chattering. Sometimes when one of them had to stay late at school, the other would wait on the bench by the light post they’d scribbled their names on when they were 9 and that somehow stayed that way for years afterwards. Tooru wondered if their names were still there. They hadn’t checked since high school. High school. It felt really far away now. Tooru felt sad just thinking about it. In high school he’d had real friends, who he could open up to and feel comfortable around. He’d had an amazing team and even more amazing memories. He’d been closer to Iwaizumi.

When they turned the corner, Iwaizumi suddenly stopped, and Tooru stopped with him. He shot a questioning look at him Iwaizumi, who was looking at him. Iwaizumi opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again.

“What?” Tooru asked, wondering if maybe he had something on his face, or maybe in his hair. He tugged a hand through his hair self consciously.

“We’ve always… talked about a lot of stuff walking here, haven’t we?” Iwaizumi asked and Tooru just nodded, even more confused. What was he going to say? A tiny part of Tooru wished more than anything that Iwaizumi was going to confess his unwielding, eternal love for him, and that he’d finally get the fairytale ending he’d always dreamed about. But that was highly unlikely, and Tooru felt himself growing nervous. Why did Iwa-chan have to look so serious?

He opened his mouth to speak one, two more times before just snapping his jaw shut and looking Tooru square in the eyes.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Tooru was shellshocked. It wasn’t _‘Have_ you been avoiding me’ but ‘ _Why_ have you been avoiding me’, because there was no way Iwaizumi hadn’t noticed, hadn’t _felt_ it. And not Tooru had a grand total of 30 seconds to make up an excuse better than _Oh, it’s just that I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember and I’m  afraid that I’ll accidentally confess and ruin our entire relationship._

Tooru stuttered out the beginnings of sentences before just deciding to keep quiet. He averted his eyes, brain working to think of something to say.

“And tell me the truth.” Iwaizumi demanded, because of course he knew that Tooru was lying before he’d even spoken. But Tooru didn’t _want_ to tell him the truth; he didn’t _want_ his stupid selfish feelings to push Iwaizumi away from him. His Iwa-chan, the best thing that had ever happened to him. Tooru knew that Iwaizumi would never be disgusted, he was open minded and accepting, but he couldn’t say whether or not Iwaizumi would feel uncomfortable, or even worse; sorry for him. How much of a difference would confessing make anyways, if they’d just proceed to ignore his feelings as if they never existed in the first place?

“I-” Tooru started, and Iwaizumi furrowed his brows, mouth subconsciously dipping into a frown.

“Just spit it out!” He tried to say it patiently, but Tooru knew he wasn’t patient at all; he’d put up with Tooru’s crap for months. Tooru didn’t want to lie; not to Iwaizumi and not again. Tooru was frozen under Iwaizumi’s steady gaze and it was like the dam broke, all everything he’d wanted to tell him came flowing out.

“I’m in love with you, goddamnit! I’ve been stupidly in love with my best friend for years even though I know that he’s never going to love me back, but for some reason I can’t seem to let go. And now we’re going to go back home and eat dinner in awkward silence, and not be able to face our parents for weeks, because I just _confessed my_ _love_ to you and you’re going to have to reject me now-”

“Oh my God, shut up!” Iwaizumi shouted, his sharp voice cutting Tooru like a knife. He’d never regretted anything so much in his entire life, and he could already feel the tears welling up, and _not now, not in front of him_. Tooru was looking down, unable to face Iwaizumi. He just wanted to sink through the ground and _die._ His face was so hot he felt like he was going to explode, and honestly, that didn’t sound half bad. When he blinked, Tooru felt warm tears spill out of his eyes, and he ducked his head further down.

“How stupid are you?” Iwaizumi asked, voice softer this time and Tooru almost looked up.

“When have I ever been able to reject you?” Iwaizumi continued, and this time his voice was so soft Tooru _had_ to look up. He tried forming his mouth around words but they wouldn’t come out.

“What are you-” Tooru’s voice was weak and uneven, cracking on the second syllable. He was aware of the tears dampening his cheeks, and he sniffled sharply to prevent snot from dripping out of his nose. Iwaizumi’s rough and calloused hands reached out to cup his cheeks and Tooru almost jerked back, this whole situation seeming completely unreal. Iwa-chan wouldn’t trick him so cruelly just as revenge for Tooru’s avoiding him, would he?

“You know, you avoiding me has been hell. I kept wondering if maybe you’d tossed me aside, started a new life and all that, y’know. That I’d be abandoned when you gained an awesome volleyball career with awesome volleyball friends. But in reality, you’d never be able to do that. You wouldn’t be able to live without me; you love me too much.” Iwaizumi grinned shyly, because he knew, even without Tooru having to tell him. He knew fully well that he was the most important person in Tooru’s life, and that he’d never, _ever_ , be able to live without him. Tooru didn’t say anything (he didn’t have to), just covered his mouth and tried not to sob too hard, because his best friend that he’d loved all his life _loved him back_.

“You’re such an ugly crier,” Iwaizumi chuckled, but he looked like he wanted to cry as well, “I love you too.” Tooru gasped loudly because he’d actually said it; those four words that Tooru had been aching to hear for _so long_.

“It’d be kinda gross if I kissed you now, wouldn’t it?” Iwaizumi laughed, and Tooru did too, hitting his shoulder with the hand that wasn’t currently doing a bad job of covering the mess that was his face. 

“Yeah, no shit,” Tooru managed, and they both laughed a little harder.

“Though then again, you’re always kind of gross,” he shrugged and Tooru was about to protest, but didn’t have time to get a single sound out before Iwaizumi’s lips were sliding against his, warm, and chapped, and _so soft,_ and everything that Tooru had dreamed about.

Tooru sighed into his mouth, hand creeping up to gently wrap around the back of his neck, the tips of his hair brushing against Tooru’s fingertips. Iwaizumi hands had moved down and he kept a firm grip on Tooru’s hips, pulling him closer, until they were pressed up against each other, the heat from Iwaizumi’s body seeping onto his own. Iwaizumi pulled away slowly, and Tooru’s mouth instantly feeling cold without the hot pressure of Iwaizumi’s own. They stood in silence for a moment, just holding each other, and it slowly started to sink in for Tooru. _Iwa-chan just kissed me. Iwa-chan loves me back._ Iwaizumi finally let go of Tooru, who wiped his nose with a gloved hand and bit his lip, trying not to let his smile get too wide.

“Well, now we definitely missed dinner, didn’t we?” Iwaizumi said, and he seemed uncertain. Tooru grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers.

“Yeah,” he giggled, “we definitely did.”

 

 

 

Sometimes Hajime thought he needed Oikawa more than Oikawa needed him.

But in reality, Oikawa needed him just as much.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic took me 5 months to write (I'm sorry Jen) wow.  
> You guys should totally check out the song I titled this after because it screams IwaOi ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcb9cTVXKZQ )
> 
> Thank you everyone who helped me, (thanks for making fun of my typos Marta) all feedback is appreciated!!!


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